Making a List, Checking it Twice

A good Christian should...

A good mother (or father) should...

A good friend should...

How many of us have these unpublished "lists" floating around in our heads?  

When I asked these questions of a group of single moms and had them fill in the blanks, most of the responses were just what I had expected...unattainable.

They said things like, "A good Christian should read their Bible daily."  (I'm a failure.)  "A good mother should keep her children clean."  (Good grief, with two boys I failed miserably!)  "A good friend spends time with you."  (Again, epic failure...)

As we unpacked the reality behind these laundry lists, what we found was that most of us had done a pretty good job most of the time, but we hadn't been able to do all of them 100% of the time.  The rub came when we defined someone as "good" by the things they accomplished on our lists, but did that mean that because they didn't hit the mark every time that they were "bad?"

Even worse, we discovered that we were hardest on ourselves when it came to meeting the standard.  There were many times we had believed we were "bad" because we couldn't do it all perfectly.  

GUT CHECK!  

If we had the ability to do all these things and do them to perfection we would have no need of a Savior!  Jesus came to destroy the mental "lists" and replace them with His grace and mercy.  

Sure, there are still things that we should do.  We should read the Word, we should try to keep our children as clean as possible and we should spend time with friends, but we shouldn't let the actions themselves overtake the heart behind them.  And we shouldn't put our own "list" expectations on others!

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."  Ephesians 2:8-9

There is nothing you can do so well that you can earn God's grace and mercy, but if you have accepted His Son as your Savior, the "list" has already been accomplished.

Next time you're tempted to consult your "list," try looking into the Word instead.  You never have to check that twice!!

  

Tools of the Trade

I've known for a long time that I was created to write, teach and speak.  I think it dawned on me about the time I learned that one word from me could change my daddy's heart on anything.  So when God was gracious enough to allow a glimpse of His plan for me and it included my favorite things, I was delighted!


The trouble with glimpses is that they're only a small part of the picture.  What we don't see are all the days, hours, minutes and seconds that will pass between now and then. One evening when I found myself exhausted, angry and washing dishes...again...I began to wonder if I had heard correctly.  Was all this diaper changing, nose wiping and child chasing going to result in the future God had shown me?


In my impatience, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  My plan was to look around at other women who were successful writers, teachers and speakers and see how they had done it.  If I copied them, surely I would be able to skip all the negative and get right to the fun stuff!


Now understand, there is nothing wrong with learning from others.  Trouble was, I didn't stop at simply learning, I tried to take the tools God had given them and make them my own.  The results were frustrating because I was trying to be someone I wasn't.


King Saul tried to do that to David once in 1 Samuel 17:38-39.  David was preparing to meet Goliath and Saul thought it would be a good idea to dress the young shepherd in the king's armor, even the bronze helmet!  David could barely move, let alone fight.  He wisely opted to get rid of Saul's tools and go with what he knew...5 smooth stones and a slingshot. We know how the story ended--David only needed one of the stones to take Goliath out.  He was skilled with what God had given him, but imagine how different it might have been if he had gone with Saul's plan!


In Ephesians 2:10 it says, "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  God has designed you with a specific mission in mind and there is no one else like you. Spend the time between the glimpse and the reality getting to know the tools in your own toolbox and watch God's beautiful story for you unfold!

The Smartest Question You'll Ever Ask

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a meltdown and suddenly you wonder, “How did I get here?!!!”  

That question came to me many times when I was growing up.  It was usually after realizing I was dating the wrong person (yet again), I had fallen into some habitual sin (yet again) or after someone had said something and my feelings were hurt (yet…ok, you get it!)

Trouble was, “How did I get here?” was exactly the question I should have been asking and I didn’t know it!  Let me explain.

As a newborn I had never experienced hurt or trauma.  My parents took good care of me and I relied on them for all my needs.  But once I started to grow, I began to have interactions with others and I learned quickly that sometimes those interactions ended in pain or disappointment.  Some of them were even traumatic and left a wound to remind me of the event.

As we go through life, we often act and react to others based on those past experiences.  It becomes so automatic that we will often do it without even knowing.  For instance, a friend of mine was telling me about seeing a football game in which one player spit in the face of another.  She was incensed at the action and reacted strongly.  Her family was baffled over the incident, but as we talked it became clear why she was so angered.  In college she had an abusive boyfriend who had held her down and spit in her face.  She was acting and reacting in the present based on something she thought she had put to rest a long time ago.

One of the best things we can do is become aware when we find ourselves overreacting to something and ask the question, “How did I get here?”  Another good one is, “Why does this bother me so much?”  Or how about, “Father, show me if there is a memory or event at the root of this outburst!”

God is faithful.  He wants His children walking in healing.  3 John 2 says, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.”  Facing those things that have hurt us in order for the Lord to restore us to health is liberating and biblical!

Next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, take a moment and ask yourself one of those questions and expect a response from the Lord.  Then follow these steps to receive God’s healing:

1.    If the Lord brings to mind a memory that was hurtful, allow yourself to think about the event. 

2.    Identify the emotion that was present during the event.  Really allow yourself to feel it once again and then rate it on a scale of 1-10 (10 is the worst).

3.    Now ask yourself, “What is the message that was conveyed about myself during this event?”  “What did it say about me?”  (Hint:  This is usually the lie that the enemy has told us about ourselves.)

4.    Now look around and find out where Jesus was during the event. 

5.    Ask Him to take the lies that you have believed about you and get rid of them.  (Take note of how he does this—it’s awesome!)

6.    Then ask Him to simply minister over you and speak truth about your identity.  (The original emotion you felt should be at a lower number or non-existent.)

And if you feel you need more help, speak to a pastor at your church, or ask them to help you find a good Christian counselor.  

Today is a good day to start walking in freedom through Christ!  

Playing Favorites

Ever have someone in your life so influential you can still feel the effects of the relationship…long after they’ve gone on to glory?  In my life that’s my Grandma Rosa Beebout.

Gram “Bee” had 8 children.  Her husband, Grandpa LeRoy, died when my mom was only 13 and Gram took in boarders during the winter to help pay the bills.  Most of her children married and had kids of their own.  When she died at the ripe old age of 104 she had 17 grandchildren and dozens of great grandchildren.

As one of the younger grandkids, I spent a lot of time with Gram.  She made chicken and noodles for lunch, let me watch the Price is Right (and even some of The Young and the Restless if I was quiet and she forgot it was on!) and every now and then in the middle of a heated game of marbles or dominos, she’d lean over real close and whisper, “You’re my favorite!”  I loved the way it made me feel—so special, so important.  I believed her wholeheartedly, but as my siblings delighted in telling me later she said that to all her grandchildren!

So was Gram Bee lying to me when she said I was her favorite?  Absolutely not!  She got the idea from her Heavenly Father.  Ephesians 5:1 says, “Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children.” 

The word “dear” in the Greek is agapetos.  Agapetos means beloved, esteemed, worthy of love—God’s favorite.

Our amazing God and Creator has made each one of us exactly as we’re supposed to be and He calls us esteemed, beloved, worthy of His love.  I’m God’s fave, you’re God’s fave—we are all God’s favorite.

Sadly, many of us don’t believe it.  We’ve given in to the schemes of the Enemy and focused on our faults or the bad choices we’ve made in the past and as a result we just can’t seem to accept God’s incredible love for us.  But that has never been God’s plan for us. 

Instead, God wants us to understand what it means to be His child.  We’re heirs (Rom. 8:17), sons and daughters (2 Cor. 6:18), chosen (Col. 3:12).  No matter what we’ve been told or what wrong messages have been given to us about our identity, the Truth is, you’re his favorite.

Revel in that knowledge today!  

Getting Your Head Right

What is it that women need to be successful in this life?  Some would say the ability to earn a living, others would vote for inexpensive and excellent childcare, still others would rely on the ever-popular belief that a good man is the answer to all their problems.  (Look around, ladies, millions of women are proving that theory wrong every day!  No offense to all the amazing guys reading this!)

Each one of those answers depends heavily on someone else to provide.  Can we really expect other human beings to fulfill our needs, make us happy and be there for us forever?  I think we can all scream a loud “No!” to that. 

When we ask our husbands, friends, and family to be “god” in our life, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.  The only one sure place to find our affirmation is in the person of Jesus Christ.  It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, divorced, widowed or whatever.  Christ must be the center of our lives.

So how do we deepen a relationship with someone we can’t see or hear?  Good question!  Here are some ideas:

1.  Give up expectations.  Stop thinking that there is a list of “shoulds” that all good Christians follow.  God isn’t interested in the exact amounts of time you spend with Him or how you perform.  He’s interested in your heart.  Give it all to Him.

2.  Be real!  Talk to him like you would your best friend.  He already knows your heart, so why try to fake Him out with a lot of big words and flowery phrases?  If you don’t know what you need or you’re angry about something or your life is fantastic—tell Him! 

3.  Watch for beautiful gifts from Him.  I once heard a speaker tell the story of finding more than 40 heart-shaped shells on a beach and with each one she felt like her Heavenly Father was telling her over and over again how much He loved her.  He wants to do the same for you!

4.  Practice!  That’s why we call things like prayer, confession, solitude and service the “disciplines” of the faith.  Most people are not born with the drive to learn them, but once Christians take the time to do so, new doors of faith are opened in their lives and they find a deeper relationship with the Lord.

5.  Clear your head.  God is not responsible for the ugliness of this world, nor does He always choose to stop others from expressing their free will and hurting you.  But what He does want to do is take what the Enemy meant for evil and use it in your life for good.  If you’ve experienced trauma, seek help to get healing.  We can’t hope to react to things differently if we’re still living in the wounded places.

We will never live in complete security this side of Heaven, but by putting our focus where it should be, on Christ, and cultivating that relationship, we can at least catch a glimpse of what it will be like!

Want to know more about the disciplines of the Christian faith?  Check out Into Thy Word ministries for more!

http://www.intothyword.org/pages.asp?pageid=56859

Small Hours

I've been thinking a lot about our recent vacation.  Wow.  We spent a week puttering around our own house and a week of non-stop eating at my mom’s house in Nebraska.  Both were satisfying, but the Nebraska trip stirred up some things that took me by surprise.

I think it started about the third night we were there.  I began to wake up in the wee hours.  Instead of being irritated at having a night of sleep interrupted, I lay there and listened. 

I’ve spent most of my life in that house, and more specifically, in that room.  I learned to be scared of the dark there, snuck out with friends repeatedly from there, got ready for my wedding there and tended to my newborn babies in a crib at the foot of the bed.  I know the creaks and pops the house makes as it settles, I know what each door sounds like as it opens and shuts, the intense silence in the middle of the night and the sweet sounds that come with the first streams of sunlight in the morning.  It’s all so familiar to me that I hardly hear it when I’m there.

But this time was different.  Everything seemed to take on a new meaning as I lay awake and listened.  Things are changing and I realized I’m just not ready for it yet.

My father passed away four years ago.  It was a bittersweet occasion for me.  I knew I would see him again in Heaven, but was unprepared for the void his absence left.  For months I would think of things I wanted to tell him only to realize he wasn’t there anymore to tell.  I also started thinking about how nothing lasts forever.

Now my mom is 83.  She stills moves like lightning—that is until she sits down in her chair for “a rest.”  Within seconds she is asleep and I noticed it’s happening more frequently.  I caught myself watching her a lot this visit and wondering what life would be like without her. 

The loss of my mom would mean we’d sell the house.  No more listening to her moving around the kitchen, no more sounds of traffic up and down the small alley behind the house, no more hearing the familiar strains of The Tonight Show through the wall.  The sadness seemed overwhelming at times. 

I know, I know, mom’s still there, nothing’s changed yet, but I’m learning time has a way of moving on—quickly.  And before you know it, things are different.  I want to be prepared. 

That house has been the staging area for my life.  In fact, it never crossed my mind that there would ever be a time when I wouldn’t return there.  But now as that time comes ever closer, I realize the importance of the small hours spent within its walls.  The turbulent times have all been replaced with a sense of sweetness that I want to hang on to for the rest of my life.

And, I’m grateful.  To a mother and father who did the best they could with what they had.  To brothers and sisters who love me.  To a God who has allowed me the opportunity to be in a family who loved well.  And for a house that was at the center of it all.